Proper Perspectives on Life

Well who am I to pretend to have a proper perspective on anything, let alone on life?

I am just a regular guy who is involved in more things than I seem to have time for, yet I always get involved in something new if there is a chance it will be of benefit to others.

I had a Philosophy teacher back in 1963 while at Loyola College in Baltimore who said: "Honor your Philosophers and your Plumbers, or your pipes and theories won’t hold water"; or maybe I saw that on the side of Jack Roemer’s plumbing truck in Kingsville, MD. Some minor details are not as clear as once before, but the underlying theme is still in the forefront of the brain. Take care of the important things and all of the little things will fall into place.

* Small medium at large = a midget fortune-telling prison escapee

We recently had about 300 close friends, some of whom we met that night, over to our home for our annual Hoe Down, complete with the Satyr Hill Band’s Bluegrass music, some 250 ears of freshly confiscated corn thanks to my good neighbor Hank, and the best weather we ever had in the 15 plus years we have had this event. Some folks stayed by the bonfire until 5 AM: I managed to crawl into bed by 1:30 – way past my bed time. I paid for that night for the next week but I’ll do it again next year: it’s good to share.

I can remember saying when our youngest was entering school that I didn’t really need or want any more friends; I have always had trouble with names and our list was full. What a dumb remark that was: all of our new friends are great! Most of the old ones are still are. Some have died recently and that’s still a part of living.

* Timex and Rolex = the names of the Blonde’s two new watchdogs

Chris Humphreys was from Atlanta and I had the privilege and pleasure of knowing him. He died this past week at 67, but he lived his life to the fullest: he was the only guy I ever met who ran with the bulls over 100 times in Pamplona, Spain. He did it "for the joy, the magnificent insanity of it" he said. Chris helped to change the parts of the world he came into contact with, all for the better. He had a way of making you realize that whatever you have done so far, you can do more, better.

It is good to be able to give back. Last week the City of Westminster, MD held its annual Fallfest, a festival where four local charities participate and provide 100% of the labor to sell tickets for over 30 rides, make scarecrows, organize and help little children with craft making, call Bingo games inside a large tent, all to be able to split the profits after expenses. The City does not make any money: the people who comprise the Executive Board donate their time to do this, and most City workers donate their time for the benefit of the charities. Mary organized all of the 940 hours of volunteer time for the Mission of Mercy, a charity that provides free medical and dental care to anyone who cannot afford health insurance. The Mission of Mercy has had over 10,000 patient visits to their 38’mobile medical clinic during the last ten years. It is a privilege to be associated with this fine charity.

Yes, it’s good to be busy and help, but I feel half dead this evening. The Fallfest consumed every hour from between 5:30 and 11 PM Thursday & Friday, from 6:30 AM until 11:00 PM Saturday, and from Noon to 6 PM on Sunday. Mary worked harder that I did. I worked from home on Monday, starting a little later than usual. Mary didn’t get any time off and started again with her duties early on Monday. She’s amazing! Mary also has the most astutely correct perspective about everything that I have ever observed.

*Doctor to patient: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you are not a hypochondriac."

The mornings are getting tougher; my hands and arms don’t have the strength they did last week and my legs feel like they will give up later today. I fell down again the other day and skinned my elbow, just like when I fell off of my bike 50 years ago. I knocked the scab off while at my desk at the office today and had blood all over my shirt. Stan has the office next to me and he came to my rescue, unbuttoned my shirt, got the band-aid out of my card case in my pocket, opened it up and put the blue Shreck band-aid on my elbow. You know that I’m really a big kid inside this old body.

Stan played quarterback in the NFL for ten years and he’s one of the nicest, most unpretentious guys you’d ever have the pleasure of sharing a beer with. I have tried to change his business card to read "Professional Friend" as he would do anything to help someone, anyone, out: a good man with a big heart. He also likes to have me drive downtown DC as we get better parking places. He remembered that I had to get the DC handicap permit renewed before I did and he reminded me about it. I’ll be reminded about Shreck at some meeting within the month when it hits his funny bone and he’ll share it with our customers.

*Pete was in bed reading when his wife of 43 years came into the bedroom, stood naked in front of the mirror sobbing. "Look at me, arms flabby, thighs too big, everything is falling: can’t you say anything positive about me to cheer me up?" After 30 seconds she heard: "You have perfect eyesight". . . . . Funeral at 11:30.

One of my neighbors is an eye guy: I always get ophthalmologist confused with optometrists, but I still remain the eternal optimist as my friends will attest to. John brought me six new plastic artificial eyes, different colors even with those little bloodshot lines around the edges. They are much safer than the old glass eye I have had for years. Now I will finally make that appointment for a colonoscopy early next month, and you can imagine where one of those eyes will wind up: there ought to be a camera.

Children are born brilliant and super-intelligent; it has been such a joy to watch the grandchildren as they grow and get into everything. They can tune the TV, the VCR, and set the clocks while I’m still on p.2 of the book. I have one of those lift chairs that reclines and then catapults you up to a standing position. I can get three or four of the younger ones up on the arms of the chair and on my lap and the youngest one will push the buttons and they all wind up in a pile on the floor. Now there’s happiness from a different perspective from whatever the marketing department at the Sealy Company thought about the benefits derived from the physical abilities of the chair’s mechanism.

* The kindergarten teacher walked around the room while observing the children drawing. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. "I’m drawing God" she replied. "Why, no one knows what God looks like." the teacher said. Without missing a beat or looking up the girl said "They will in a minute."

Not wanting to be repetitive, redundant or say the same thing over again, I just printed off a copy of these writings to make sure you weren’t bored to death by re-reading my always fresh material. You’re safe! However I realize that the frequency has diminished, the content gotten a little stale and that my documented abilities have slowed considerably: and I’m talking about this column as well as other things.

The mower deck belt broke last week and I called the repairman because I can’t get up from the ground like 3 years ago (Jan. ’02). And the stairs talked about in Mar. ’02 – five flights – well kiss that one goodbye too. I’m lucky today with one flight carrying nothing, not even one roll of TP. I’m down to a slow walk with a two block limit. If I want to eat lunch with the folks at work I start to leave at breakfast time so I’m there in time for lunch. However my foot still can go in my mouth daily without breaking any teeth. Talk about maintaining continuity as well as perspective on oneself.

I will be a part of a new NIH study with a team looking into an already available Rx that has shown some possibility of help with our condition: I’ll be there on Wednesday for some baseline testing: News at 11. The Coakley Cane has been road, beach, field & stream, and internationally tested and the opinions of the professionals who have seen & evaluated it are in unison. It will be a great help for daily cane users; some basic information will be available shortly. The preceding was not meant to be a commercial.

* Can you see 40 years ahead to the aides working in nursing homes gathering together to see and compare all the old ladies tattoos.

While you are thinking that this is disjointed and rambling aimlessly, remember that it’s all in the perspective of the writer. Try and learn at least one new thing a day. Do the crossword puzzle and keep your mind sharp. That might be the last thing you have that works. See what you can do to help someone else: you have time and talents that can be shared with others.

*I’ll leave you with this account of a Policeman being cross examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was attempting to undermine the Policeman’s credibility……

• Q: "Officer – did you see my client fleeing the scene?"
• A: "No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running, several blocks away."
• Q: "Officer – who provided this description?"
• A: "The officer who responded to the scene."
• Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender: do you trust your fellow officers?"
• A: "Yes sir: with my life."
• Q: "With your life? Let me ask you this then, officer. Do you have a locker room where you change clothes in preparation for your daily duties?"
• A: "Yes sir, I do."
• Q: "And do you have a lock on your locker?"
• A: "Yes sir."
• Q: "Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room that you share with these same officers?"
• A: "You see, sir – we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room."

The lawyer never stood a chance after that.

Smile and enjoy the only life you’ll ever have.

John

10/1/04

John A. Coakley, Sr.

Westminster, MD