I wish that I had studied harder in High School, or at least remembered more longer afterwards. I graduated in 1960 and have never thought of myself as extremely bright on a regular basis, only on occasion. One of those times was not last week.
We have had a good size rose bush next to a fence for the last 10 years in the backyard. Well, Mary and I thought that we should put some tomato plants in that spot as it gets the sun longer than other areas of the yard. Great idea!
Our yard falls from the front street to the stream at the back. You may or may not remember that I bought an old, used golf cart last fall so that I can get around the yard easier, take the trash up to the road, do some yard work and still make it back to the house, make beer runs, etc. Last Monday evening I loaded up the back of the cart with the following:
It’s about 6:30 p.m. and daylight savings time will get me through 8:15 p.m. or so. I’ve really got this thought out perfectly; a well oiled thought machine; nothing but bright thinking here.
God planted seeds that grew into rocks in my yard and I harvest them regularly. I start on the new hole for the relocated bush. I started with the Claw to break the soil down for the first six inches, then the shovel, then the Claw and then the spade, and finally with the sledge hammer and long chisel while sitting on the spackle bucket. When did a sledge hammer start to weigh that much? Fifteen minutes later, success! A hole that would take whatever roots the bush has.
I load the tools on the cart and move back up to where the tomato plants will go to and dig up the weeds in the bed area first. If you’ve scoffed at the ads on TV for the Claw, think again. If you do any yard work at all, you need this tool. It gives you leverage and torque, and you can lean on it like a cane. It’s great for loosening up all those weeds, right down to the roots.
The weeds and the first beer are gone and I start on the rose bush. Ten years of root growth in rocky soil equals at least 15 minutes of somewhat careful root location. I don’t remember planting concrete in with that bush. Of course, the roots are deeper than the new hole. Load it up, go to the new hole, and enlarge it: another ten minutes and it’s
perfect. The rose bush is in the ground, upright, fed, and watered; and only a little water went in my shoe when the bucket slipped as I took it off the cart.
I get back into the cart and admire my work and enjoy a drink, then drive back up to the weeded area where the tomato plants are going. Now this old rose bush hole needs to be 8" to the left so that the tomato plants look really good in front of that section of split rail fence. The plants won’t do any better, but they will look good: isn’t that what it’s all about? Symmetry in nature. That’s why after 30 years, I had the second mastectomy last year; it all had to do with symmetry.
I start to dig the rocky soil, prepare the holes, and get up and down as I move the spackle bucket I’m sitting on. By the way, it’s a good height for sitting, but not so good for getting up from. That’s why I have positioned the cart close to me each time that I got off it. I’ve really thought this out. I’ve remembered Physics: torque, leverage, fulcrum points (shovel back against the edge of the hole for leverage). I’m almost bright! Tamp the soil, water the new plants that really look good, and get down on the ground for that last little dirt work we all do when planting anything ‘cause it isn’t right without dirt on your hands.
It’s done! And it all came together before dark! I’m the man! You know the feeling when it just comes together. It’s a guy thing.
From the ground, close to the cart, I start to load it up with all the tools, gloves, empty beer cans, plastic pots that the plants were in, two spackle buckets, etc, etc.
The golf cart has lots of places to grab on to; handles at the ends of the seats, four uprights that support the roof, those curved pieces that cradle golf bags in the rear, and the platform that the bags sit on. I thought about that before I bought it: lots of handles; good rationalization.
There’s only one small problem; the cart is right next to me and, while I can grab any of three handles, there is one little problem: the cart is uphill from where I am on the ground. Now you are all smarter than I am. You remembered what I forgot: gravity or even the inclined plane. I was on the downside of the declined plane.
Fifteen minutes of trying, failing, get some strength back, try again, fail, wait, it’s gotten dark, wait, and finally success by crawling around the cart on hands and knees to get uphill to take advantage of gravity. I need to lose about 15 pounds.
Now I have it etched on my brain, because getting up that night was the second hardest thing I did in the month of May. Like Roseanne Roseanna D’Anna used to say on Saturday Night Live: "I thought I was gonna DIE".
Enjoy life and smile!
John