It’s been a real learning experience these last few months. Here are some of the things that I remember; much has already been lost or filed away.

I have no strength anymore and can’t pull a rope starter fast or strong enough to start a gas powered anything. There have been those times when I could have used assistance from each of you, like the day I decided to improve the yard and see if there was a self-propelled lawn mower that had an electric start. As it turned out my personal favorite, John Deere, makes one. This is not an advertisement, but they make the best quality equipment on the face of the earth.

I tried it out on the flat side yard of the dealer with Vince’s assistance and really liked it, bought it, went home and got the truck, and he loaded it in the bed for me. When I got home I was able to back into the side of a small hill and off load it. WOW! What a great machine. Turn the key, pull up the safety bar and it starts; pull down on the drive engagement bar and it goes forward, down toward the pond.

No effort at all. All I have to do is walk behind it at the slowest speed it goes and steer it. This will be easier than the gas trimmer. I can see a nicely cut and manicured edge along the water in my mind, with much less effort than before. The ground slopes toward the water at the edge of the pond and, you’re right, I didn’t have the strength to keep it going at the same angle of the slope and the mower went right into the water. Only the left side and both front wheels, fortunately not the engine. What little strength I had wasn’t enough to retrieve it without the rope and the golf cart. You get the picture.

Thank God for all the new safety features like the one that stops the blade and shuts off the mower in ½ second when you let go of the engaging bar. I’m sure this is not news to any of you, but for me, who has not owned a push mower in the last 25 years, this was a real eye opener when I fell backward while pulling the mower near the edge of the pond. If it worked like I remember mowers from years ago, it would have possibly had part of my foot.

I’m not the most steady guy on my feet. If you all do not use a cane yet, go out and get one and start to use it 100% of the time. It will help stop many of the falls before they happen. It’s unwieldy, gets in the way at restaurants and meetings, will fall to the floor a lot, awkward at times, but really worth it. I strongly suggest you start to use one now, before you fall and possibly hurt yourself bad. So, to help me out, and possibly you too, I’m in the process of developing a revolutionary radical new cane. More late

Mary gave me a wonderful briefcase for my birthday last month. I can carry all my papers now easier than before with the strap that goes over my shoulder like the way a newspaper boy carried his papers; great weight distribution and easier to get around. In the last part of June I really got my eyes opened while parking at a handicapped space in Washington, DC: I’m there at least once a week or more calling on clients. Thank God for the ADA and handicapped parking spaces. I hung the handicapped tag from the mirror, got out of the car, slung my briefcase over my shoulder, and started to walk to a meeting a block away. As has become usual, I got about 200 feet away from the car and realized that I needed another folder, and turned back to where I had parked.

Your Nation’s Capitol is really a great city most of the time; however a meter maid had come from the other direction and was starting to eye up my car as I got closer to it. Naturally a conversation started when she opened up her ticket book as I got there. "What’s the problem?" I asked. "You can’t park here without a District of Columbia handicapped parking tag" she replied. She was a Parking Enforcement Officer for the DC Government. My cane, gait, forlorn look, and astonishment were rendered useless by this bastion of public service.

I’m 60, semi-intelligent on a good day, and reasonably polite depending on the circumstances with law enforcement personnel. (I also have never gotten a speeding ticket; more about that later.) Our Nation’s Capitol has more different kinds of police from where you or I live. Park Police, City Police, Mounted Police, Parking Enforcement, Transit, Metro, FBI, Secret Service, CIA, and at least seven others who all know their particular jurisdictional realm and the laws they enforce. She knew her job very well.

"What’s wrong with my Maryland Handicapped Parking Permit?" I asked in disbelief, thinking maybe my hearing was bad. "Doesn’t that count?" Well, to cut to the chase, no it doesn’t count in DC. As a matter of fact, neither does yours wherever you’re from. I had to move the car or get a ticket for over $100.00.

Now, I’m really confused. I saw the sign upon entering DC that said CRIMINALS BEWARE, but I missed the one that said CRIPPLES BEWARE. The Officer’s small sense of humor all but vanished with mine as I realized that I was now late for a meeting.

There was no conversation to be had. "GET A DC HANDICAPPED TAG IF YOU WANT TO PARK IN A HANDICAPPED SPACE IN THE DISTRICT!!" she said, as she watched me struggle to get into my car.

Now, not only am I mad, but I don’t understand all that I know. I find a garage, park, and apologize for being late. After the meeting ends I’m on this matter like the proverbial sayings of, well, you know. I call to a City Policeman in his car at a traffic light who politely tells me the difference of the various policing authorities in one line: "I don’t do parking, that’s Parking Enforcement".

The cell call to the District Government is another fun 20 minutes of on hold, voice mail, three well-intentioned conversations with some folks who don’t really understand the English language. Finally I’m routed to the DC Department of Motor Vehicles. There is a great ad on the radio in DC for the Washington Post that says: "If you don’t get it, you don’t get it!" All along I think that it must be me who doesn’t get it. I got nowhere.

The DC DMV has it’s own Handicapped Parking Division with regulations and forms that you can access on the web at www.dmv.dc.gov. Technology is wonderful; I’m not. Since I am having difficulty with people, I look it up when I get home. Guess what? There’s a complete five page instruction form and a four page application for DC Handicapped tags. Thank God this doesn’t apply to me, it’s for residents of DC; I know I’m right!

Wrong again John, as I find out the next morning when, after another 20 minutes on the phone, I finally get to Mr. Washington in the DMV Handicapped section. He’s polite, articulate, and unwavering. Fill out the form correctly and completely and bring it in person to his office at 301 C St., NW, Room 1033, Washington, DC.

• Yes it is burdensome, but it is the law.
• No you can’t park in a Handicapped space while you’re in the DMV without getting a ticket.
• Yes, you really need the form Notarized.
• That’s correct, you need the Doctor’s signature.
• And an original letter from the Doctor.
• On his stationary.
• Outlining your particular disability.
• And the Doctor has to fill out the form himself.
• We will compare handwriting.
• And come to the DMV in person
• Bring your home state handicapped tag with you.
• Hours are 8:15-3:30 M-F.

He was most polite as he explained to me that Mayor Anthony Williams and the City Council of DC had this new law enacted sometime around the end of 2001 to protect the abused citizens of DC whose parking spaces were being used by out of town persons without DC handicapped tags. Go figure. This, in the opinion of the Mayor, was the solution to the problem. Make them really show us that they are crippled. Prove it to DC and then they will let you park there.

WTOP is an excellent AM radio station at 1560 on the dial in DC, with timely traffic, current newscasts, and a monthly hour-long show called "Ask The Mayor" that allows individuals the chance to communicate with and, hopefully get a response from the Mayor. If you want to Email the station with your questions they will ask the Mayor for you. They record it so you can hear the show on your computer, and I invite you to get on the web, go to www.wtopnews.com and click on "Ask the Mayor" and then listen to the last 4 minutes of the show aired on June 27, 2002. You can hear it for yourself. See if you can make sense out of what the Mayor said: I couldn’t.

I’m still in disbelief. However by July 16, 2002 I have imposed on the Doctor to spend ten minutes with me filling out and signing the forms. That cost me an insurance co-pay, a lunch, and an hour. On Wednesday July 17 at 11:40 I find a place to park at a one-hour meter about 2 blocks from the DC DMV, walk there and find room 1033, take a number like at a deli counter, and settle in for the duration and the inevitable. I promise myself not to make a scene, to be overly polite, and blend in as best as I can, with meekness and humility, all of which will be impossible.

Forty-five minutes later it’s my turn. It’s a small office area, almost as quiet as an empty funeral parlor, and there is no privacy; everyone can hear who is saying what in hushed response to questions asked. Yes, I have all the forms, yes they are signed, here is the notary seal, here is the letter from the doctor, my HC certificate from Maryland, etc. Being a kind person, I assist as I can with the questions and answers to expedite the process. I really have to laugh when the computerized form that Ms. Hall is filling out to insure my disability asks "is the disability physical or mental?" "Mental" I answer, and she types it in. "Stop; I’m kidding!" All 14 folks in the room look over, shifting in their seats and looking at me, then each other with brightening eyes.

Mr. Washington, who is seated at his desk next to where I’m sitting, says loud enough for all in the room to hear: " I remember you calling in, and I heard your question on the radio. Good for you." I’m now the celebrity in the room; all eyes and ears are tuned to me. He fills in the blanks for everyone there about my original call there and my disbelief from the start. Everyone joins in with their own story and the room is abuzz with conversation: friendships are immediately formed by strangers of two minutes ago.

I’m validated! The paperwork is accepted. I’m certified. I leave with a red temporary placard because they are out of the permanent blue ones. It’s free; there is no fee. Go figure. It’s good until 7/17/03. The number is 03641. And I have to renew it in person again next year, unless I mail back the placard 30 days before expiration with the correct renewal forms, but where do I park for the month? No reminder will be mailed out; it’s my sole responsibility. I have to get the forms from DC DMV to reapply next year.

I make it back to my car that has the Maryland HC tag prominently hanging from the mirror with one minute to spare on the meter and a Parking Enforcement officer about three cars away, heading toward me. She say I’m lucky to get there on time, and starts to tell me about how my Maryland HC tag is not valid in DC. I politely thank her and fall, catching myself on the side of the car. There went the lunch hour.

Enjoy life and smile!

John